Like leaves in the winter sky
by BlackDarknessFanfics
Summary: Sometimes even the smallest things become big. So when Eren finds himself wanting to show his worth to Levi, while being faced with new problems, What path does he end up taking? Is this really the end? ((WARNING: Self harm and suicidel thoughts. May be triggering for some))((Will be read on PersonalyRead channel))
1. Intro

"I...I trusted you… I TRUSTED YOU!" Eren yelled loud enough for his voice to fill the room.

"What did I tell you Eren? Trust gets you killed, don't trust people!" Levi sighed deeply.

"You were suppose to protect me!" Eren yelled once again.

"..From titans, Eren… not from me." Levi said as he stopped in his tracks and looked back at the brunette. Eren was a mess. Eren's brown hair was messy, and his eyes were red, while his whole face was filled with tears. Levi on the other hand had the same expression as he did when he once kicked the shit out of Eren for being a titan.

"L...Levi..." Eren finally looked down. His fist had now gotten a nice good grip on his own shirt, by his heart. He was hurting so much, it was easy to see.

"You're sitting in on the next mission… My order" Levi said, before he went out of the room, leaving Eren alone there to drown in his own pain. It was as if Levi didn't feel a damn thing.

"W...W..." he mumbled, but before he could finish a loud bang from the door being shut echoed in the room, and sending Eren directly to his knees in tears. In pain.

"...Why..." he finally finished, but nobody heard. Nobody was there.

Or, was there? … How rude of me to just put you into the story like this. Let me tell you, Levi and Eren had somehow found something in each other, and they had been fine. Actually, Yes, they had been together for 2 years I believe. Quite nice actually. Im surprised none of them died yet. Im surprised im not dead yet. O..Oh… Who am I? Well, that is a surprise. Let's just say, I was first hand witness in Eren's life. You wouldn't believe all the things I've seen. A..Anyway. This isnt about me. Its about Eren… Ill write a story about me some other time. For now… How about a little back story?

Eren and Levi had been together for 2 years, till one night. It was surprising but, we were all in the main hall when it happened. Commander Erwin had thrown a little feast for us to celebrate our arrival back home from mission, without anyone dying. Eren was happy and he stood beside Levi for most of the night. Nothing actually seemed wrong between them at that point, but, we had taken Eren over at a point, which we should never have done. It was around midnight when Eren suddenly started looking around for Levi. Eren had told us about him and Levi being a pair, but even if he haven't, we would have found out. Eren was too close to corporal Levi to be anything else but lovers. We lost Eren out of sight after that, and we didn't find him again before it was too late. Before it had all ended. Me and Mikasa had found him. He was curled up into a ball in the hallway to his room. He was crying, sobbing and his fists were bleeding. His heavy breath gave it all away, even from far away.  
"I..Im fine.. Its nothing… im fine!" he kept repeating, but Mikasa wouldn't give up. I didn't do anything. I stood there. Me and Eren had also been on good terms lately. I knew something was wrong. There was no way Eren would have just wandered this close to his room and breaking down in the hallway instead of in his room. There was just no way.

Yeah, I wish I had never taken the next steps, but I did. And I have regretted it ever since …

Ah, yes… You were thrown into a story so suddenly, You must have a lot of questions… What happened? Is Eren okay? Who is this secret story teller? What did Levi do?

So … Lets continue…

Keep moving…

Keep fighting…

Can you guess who I am yet?


	2. Spring time is awful

**Spring time is awful,**

 **All the leaves fall to the ground,**

 **They all die, but you know the best part?**

 **...They rise again…**

It was so quiet. There was no sound at all. The room was cold. So very cold. Too cold. Eren breathed out slowly as he laid there on his bed. Thoughts running through his head. Pictures in his mind. Pictures he wish he didn't have. Thoughts of dying he knew he didn't need. It had been 1 week now. Eren couldn't remember the last time he had slept. Had he even slept ever since that night? Had he even eaten anything? His eyes were red. His windows were closed and covered. No ray of sunlight was allowed in Eren's room. No ray of sunlight had been touching Eren's room ever since that night.

 _'Pathetic…'_

 _'I could just.. die…'_

 _'Why did you… Leave…'_

 _'Am I not good enough anymore?'_

 _'Was I ever good enough?'_

 _'What does he have… that I dont'_

 _'I …_ _just…_ _'_

 _'I could die and no one would notice…'_

 _'Levi…'_

 _'Was I ever good enough?'_

 _'Im so pathetic.. These cuts should have killed me long ago…'_

 _'Why am I not dead…'_

 _'KILL ME…..'_

Eren's last thought was cut off by a gentle knock on his door. It was locked. Eren heard it. It was gentle, but loud enough to knock Eren out of his thoughts.

"E...Eren?" Armin's voice echoed low from the hallway and into Eren's empty head.  
"I...I have some food for you...C...Can I come in?" He asked softly. Armin was alone. He had been the only one who have had the time to come to Eren with food lately. Armin had come with food for Eren twice a day, every day for one whole week. Sometimes Mikasa was with him, and other times it was just him alone. But Eren never opened up his door. He had told Armin to leave, every single time he had been there. That was the only way Armin could make sure Eren was okay. If he wasn't allowed into Eren's room, hearing Eren's voice was confirm enough to know he was still alive.

 **((FLASHBACK))**

" _You know humans need to eat, right?" Levi said as he pushed a bowl of rice in front of Eren._

" _Do they need to sleep too?" Eren smiled as he looked up at Levi, hoping to see some other expression than the normal one._

" _Tch, Eren you sleep well enough" Levi rolled his eyes as he sat down across from Eren, with a cup of tea, and his eyes fixed on Eren._

" _but, you dont..." Eren said. Eren's face wore a soft and gently, which could send anyone flying with feelings._

" _How would you know, brat." Levi mumbled as he took a first sip of his hot tea._

" _Isomnia?" Eren asked as he started eating the rice Levi had given him._

"… _.Yeah… Its no problem" Levi assured, but it was clear to see that Eren was not so easy fooled. If Levi couldn't sleep for any longer than 2-4 hours, something must have been wrong._

" _Captain… Are you with anyone? Like, in a relationship?" Eren suddenly asked._

" _No…" Levi answered, short, but simple._

" _I wish I was…with someone like you..." Eren said as he looked down to his rice. Eren wouldn't risk meeting a possible deathglare coming from Levi. Levi didn't have a glare though. He looked over at Eren in surprise, not that his face showed it, but he was._

 _ **((FLASHBACK END))**_

The door then opened up, causing Armin to look up in shock over the weak mess infront of him. It was as if Eren had just stepped out from a horror movie. Right when Armin had lost all hope, Eren had actually opened up his door. In all surprise, Armin smiled a tiny bit, soft and gently at Eren. But Eren couldn't smile back. He could barely stand anymore.

Like spring time turns to winter …

He fell, like the leaves on the trees…

"EREN!" Armin screamed as he dropped the food he should have given Eren, just to catch Eren in time before he hit the floor.

A short moment longer, and then everything went black...


	3. Lost soldiers

**What happens when what you wanted is gone,**

 **in war and love, every rule counts,**

 **but the cost of soldiers can never be replaced.**

" _Eren..."_

" _Please wake up..."_

" _Eren… Can you hear us?"_

" _Eren…. Please… Im begging you"_

The voices echoed in his mind. Eren was like an empty shell. To even believe something so simple could ruin a person so much. When you tell someone your secrets. When you learn to say 'I love you'. When you spend time together. When you listen to each other. When you see that one person and suddenly your whole world has changed. Suddenly there isn't anything that matters any more. Suddenly there isn't anything you wouldn't do for that person.

Eren's eyes opened slowly and weak. There were figures around him. One was Armin. One was Mikasa. Jean. Connie. Sasha. Even Annie was there. It was all the people Eren deeply knew cared about him. But he was too far away, too far out to see it. Eren's breathe became heavy as he simply closed his eyes again, wishing to fall asleep again. Wishing he wouldn't wake up anymore, and just leave the place and the people.

"Eren..." a new voice sounded in the small room Eren called his bedroom. It wasn't completely new. Eren had heard this voice many times before. One of the times being that night. The night Eren's nightmares began.

His eyes opened once again and looked to the side from where the voice had been heard. True. Erwin stood there by the door, looking over Eren with Levi standing beside him. Eren didn't pay attention to Erwin, even though he should have. He saw Levi and suddenly everything felt like he had just seen the corporal for the first time ever. Levi had his arms folded over his chest, and he was leaned against the door. His expression was one Eren could remember. The same expression when he had kicked the shit out of Eren, and the same expression he had when he left Eren broken on the floor in his room. Only one thing had changed. Levi seemed to have more light in his eyes now. His eyes seemed more alive then ever. It hurt him. So badly.

 **((Levi POV))**

Levi looked over at Eren, while Erwin spoke to Eren, and to the others. Levi's eyes were connected with Eren's. While Levi felt better, and as if he was on top of the world, he knew he had taken a cadet down on his way up. There was no way Eren could fight anymore. Levi wasn't sure of how many of the cadets knew what happened, and why Eren was in this shape, but Levi knew. That night Levi had went for a walk with Erwin. He felt stronger standing with Erwin, than he did standing with Eren. So he had picked Erwin over Eren. Left Eren in the dirt.

"Levi..." Erwin's voice sounded the room, causing Levi to look up at him. Levi sighed and nodded as he pushed his own small body away from the door he had before been leaning against.

"Right… Alert and Braus, go get jaeger some food, and some water… lots of water..."

"Yes sir!" Armin said as he and Sasha ran out of the room. Levi knew he couldn't force Mikasa away from Eren's side, so he wasn't even gonna try. Erwin had left Levi in change of getting Eren up on his feet again. A horrible choice really.

"Kirstein, open these windows and let some damn fresh air in…"

"Yes sir!" Jean nodded as he went over and opened the window.

"Springer, get a cold wet cloth for Jaeger!"

"Yes captain!" and then Connie was off.

"Leonhardt, get out!" Levi ordered. Less people meant smaller problem, and more space for Levi to work in. Not that Levi wanted to stick around in this mess. The room smelled horrible.

Levi stopped in his tracks and gazed out of the now opened window, before looking over at Eren. Eren's eyes was followering Levi. Levi could feel it too, but as soon as Levi looked over at Eren, Eren closed his eyes and looked away. Levi would lie if he said he didn't feel anything. That night had been a mistake, but being Eren's lover had also been a mistake.

It had always been Levi's mission to keep Eren safe and out of trouble, and when he became Eren's lover, he was only weakning Eren's defenses. That is why Levi had went with Erwin that night. That night where he thought Eren had been busy distracted with his friends. Levi and Erwin had taken a walk, talked about things, like the next mission, about Eren and other things. Before Levi knew of it, he was in bed with Erwin. He never thought Eren would find them. Eren never went to Erwin's office, but he did this time. He saw them, and Levi knew. Levi had seen Eren in the corner of his eye but pretended it was nothing. Levi knew, and it would be a plain white lie if he said it wasn't haunting his mind.

"Sir..." Connie said as he held the cold wet cloth in his hands.  
"Give it to Mikasa… Mikasa knows what she is doing" Levi said. It had been so sudden. Mikasa looked up at Levi with a death glare, and Levi looked back with a raised brow, looking like he was bored. Mikasa then grabbed the wet cloth and laid it on Eren's forehead. Eren was all hot, and he needed to cool down a bit. Mikasa knew too. She haven't seen Levi, but someone had told her what happened. If Levi only knew who…


	4. Right or Wrong

**There are two types of people in this world,**

 **Those who let go, and those who are let go,**

 **But do they ever regret not reaching out?**

Everything was black for a moment. Till Levi opened his eyes again. Before his eyes he saw a bright blue sky. A small light left his mouth as he closed his eyes again. His body felt so weak. And where was he anyway? After a moment of gathering some will power he once again opened his eyes and sat up. He was in the middle of a field. This was not the inside of the walls. He still had his 3D gear but why was he here? Levi sat there looking around for a moment before he remembered what happened.

They had been on a mission. The titan had some into Levi's view but Levi had been distracted in the worst time. He was distracted by Erwin. And then everything went black. "What happened…" he rubbed his head and stood up. Levi checked his gear and right as he thought his gas tanks were empty. He looked around and couldn't figure out anything. Where was everybody on his mission? Had they left him? How was he going to get back? Which way should he walk? But the most important question is… Would this be the end of him? He had no working gear and there were still titans out there.

Levi suddenly felt so lost in this huge place. He felt strong when he was younger because of Isabel and Farlan. After that he felt strong because he has his squad. From now on he was alone.

 **((Eren's POV))**

Eren had not been allowed on the last mission. He felt annoyed with that, but he knew why. He wasn't trusted anymore after showing such weakness. However, Eren was waiting for the squad when they come back. He knew they would all come back home in one peace or with few bruises. Or so Eren thought.

When the gate opened and the squad came in Eren was able to see everybody. Mikasa was alive. Armin was alive. Even Jean was there. Erwin was to. One person Eren wasn't able to see was…  
"Hey Eren!" Armin said as he got of his horse and Mikasa did the same. They went over to Eren and was ready to hug him but, Eren had other plans.  
"Where is Levi…" Eren said as he pushed the two aside. The two stopped in their tracks and looked down.  
"Eren…" Mikasa started but Eren was already gone. He was already on his way to Erwin.

"Where is he!? Why did you leave him out there!" Eren yelled and Erwin already seemed to know Eren was talking to him, with him even facing Eren.  
"What do you mean, cadet?"  
"Don't call me that… you left him didn't you! He's your strongest!"  
"Which is why I left him…" Erwin answered and with that answer Eren raised a confused brow.  
"If he is so strong, he should be able to find his way back, isn't he, Eren?" Erwin said as he turned to face Eren. Erwin was tall, but his face looked as if he didn't really care rather Levi lived or died.  
"You don't have enough faith in him Eren. I know what I'm doing." Erwin said as he turned and walked towards his office.

A test? Erwin should already know Levi is the strongest, why did Levi need a test? Eren knew something else was up. "…Or maybe you don't" Eren mumbled as an answer to Erwin, even though Erwin couldn't hear him.

"Eren… His gear doesn't work…" Armin's words made Eren turn around only to see a sad Mikasa and Armin. Mikasa who didn't really care and actually sort of hated Levi was worried about the short man. "We couldn't do anything" Mikasa said as she stepped one time closer to Eren.

Eren was naïve, or so some might call him, but he at least had feelings and his mind already told him what he needed to do. He turned around and ran towards the sleeping halls. He got to his room and took on his own gear, making sure there was plenty of gas in his gear and then he was out of the door.  
"Eren!"  
"Eren stop!"  
Mikasa and Armin ran after Eren when they saw Eren had gotten gear. It wouldn't take a genius to know what Eren was going to do. Mikasa and Armin weren't idiots like some others. Eren ran towards the stables and got his horse. Or more like, he got on his horse and was already heading towards the gates. The gates were closing and even though Mikasa and Armin knew they couldn't catch up with a horse on foot they still ran after Eren.

Eren made his way out of the gates before they closed and we all watched the brunette ride out of sight.

He's an idiot. We all knew he would get a lesson to remember when he got back.

Rather it was with or without Levi.

I looked over at Mikasa and Armin who stood there like lost puppies.

Mikasa would normally ride after Eren but… Maybe she finally had more fate in him.

– **UPDATE–UPDATE–UPDATE–UPDATE–UPDATE––UPDATE–**

 **Hello … It's me … lol**

 **Hey guys, so a lot of things has been happening and even though I made a plan of what fanfics I would have out for a lot of months ago, I did not keep that promise and I'm sorry.**

 **I now have this update for you, and I'm working on getting the other fanfics updated as well.**

 **Tell me if you like this Ereri story so far, because I was doubting it a lot.**


	5. Past, Present and Future

**People say it's a human thing to fail,  
But when they fail, do they actually regret it?  
Or is it just another excuse that gets them through the lies?**

Levi was walking in between the trees. It seemed to be the safest place to be for now. If he were to see any titans he could hide. Levi knew better than to fight a titan without his gear. Even back when Isabel and Farlan was alive they had gear. Levi had always had some gear. Rather it was a homemade version of the gear or actually well-made gear that held for a longer time.

Levi suddenly stopped in his tracks. He didn't see or hear a titan but he sat down behind a tree in what looked like a little cave made of the dirt around the tree. He was hugging his knees and a soft sigh escaped his mouth. Did Levi actually want to go back to everybody? He didn't want to see Erwin again, after what he had done, and with all these mistakes Levi had made he was sure not even Eren wanted to see him anymore. Levi didn't want to die. That was not what was going on. Levi did want to live, but he wasn't sure on where to go now. He didn't want to return back to the squad. Maybe going back to the slums weren't such a bad idea anymore?

For a moment Levi closed his eyes and enjoyed the silence around him. It truly was weird how the titans weren't around him for now but he didn't complain. "you were keeping me warm through those nights where I had left my life to the cold outside…" Levi mumbled low as he sighed low. He would lie to himself if he said he didn't miss Eren. Eren would never believe it but Levi actually had a reason to leave Eren.

 **((FLASHBACK START))**

" _It's a bad idea Levi. and you know that?" Erwin sighed.  
"I don't see what the bad thing about it is... He needs…" Levi was cut of quickly by Erwin.  
"No he doesn't" Erwin said and sighed, "We need him strong and on point. It's the only reason why he's not dead yet." Erwin had finished._

 _Erwin had taken Levi for a walk so they could talk about tactics and other stuff, but now they were in Erwin's office, talking about Eren. Erwin was sitting in his leather chair like always, while Levi had his back to Erwin, leaning against Erwin's desk. Erwin had always been good to see through Levi, and when it comes to Eren, Levi was the weak one. Erwin had found out about Levi dating Eren. Though the age gab wasn't bothering Erwin, something else was.  
"So what? You want me to leave him in the dirt?" Levi sighed deeply as he kept his head to face the floor  
"Levi don't start guilt tripping me. You know dating Eren is a bad idea. You are weakening his defenses and if he is weak, we can't use him. Do you want him to date you, or die?"_

 _The silence between them was enough of an answer to Erwin. "Thought so" Erwin said as he finally got up from his leather chair. "you will have to break his heart one way or the other" Erwin said as he came up closer to Levi. The height difference between Erwin and Levi was quite large. Erwin had now held a hand over to Levi and forced Levi to look up at him.  
"But it doesn't have to be in the worst way possibly" Levi said as he looked up at Erwin. Levi knew what Erwin was trying to hint at, and though it isn't what Levi prefer to do, it might be the way it had to be.  
"You'll be sure he won't come back" Erwin said as he finally leaned in and Erwin's lips then met Levi's. _

_Everything from that point escalated badly. Erwin was rough with Levi and to be honest Levi actually liked lying on top of Erwin's desk and getting treated roughly by Erwin._

 _Though it isn't what Levi preferred to do, it was how thing were done._

 **((FLASHBACK END))**

Only so little time did it take to mess up lives and a safe future for more than one person. Levi was the cause of that. He had messed up Eren in the worst way. He could just have broken up with Eren in the old fashioned way, but instead he cheated. It wasn't his style, and it surely weren't how his mother had taught him. Levi should have known better but clearly he didn't. Or maybe he was confused.

"LEVI!"

Levi's eyes opened up wide as he heard a voice that was familiar to him. Levi crawled out of the little cave he was in only to be met by a horse a bit further up ahead of him. It was Eren. It was only Eren. There was nobody else. "LEVI!" Eren yelled out once again.

Levi growled low at the calling Eren gave out. Every titan in miles around them would hear this calling. "Eren…" Levi said in a normal voice as he stood there only meters behind Eren. Eren must have heard it because he did turn around and he let out a relived sigh as he got closer to Levi. Eren jumped right of the horse and into Levi's arms, embracing Levi in the tightest hug he had ever given anyone. Even Levi was surprised. Levi's arms weren't wrapped around Eren yet, but his eyes were wide in surprise from the sudden hug.

"Y... You're going to get us killed" Levi whispered as he after a moment finally wrapped his arms around Eren's body. Eren weren't letting go at all.  
"I was so worried about you… I th…I thought I had lost you…" Eren said but it sounded like he was sobbing. Levi for that matter was still surprised.

Levi didn't know what Eren was doing but for once in his life, he was happy to see Eren. He wouldn't know what to do if Eren haven't come for him. He would probably have been dead before he even made it back home.

Needless to say, Levi had feelings and they were now showing. A mixture of relief and happiness to see Eren again. A part of him was stabbing his little cold heart because despite everything Levi had done, Eren had still come back for him.

Eren knew it to. Eren could feel the tight grip Levi had on his body. It was a grip Eren didn't want to have disappearing now. He had found Levi now. Alive. And no words in Eren's life could describe how relived Eren really was.

They stood there for almost 10 minutes, and most of the time without even speaking.

No speaking was needed between them. Their body language said it all.


End file.
